Dreamfickles

I think I'm getting over it. At least, I don't feel like crying at my desk at work at random points during the day anymore. Not any more than usual, anyways... Which partly why no posts for the last while - I didn't feel up to anything more than the bare minimum. Unfortunately, work is especially busy lately, so I feel like that guy in the "Airplane" movies - "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

I have a predisposition to depression anyway - as my ongoing prescriptions will attest. MANY moons ago, I was diagnosed with depression of the clinical variety. God bless whoever figured out SSRI's, is all I can say about that - I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for sertraline and budeprion.

All of which doesn't help my current situation much - the depression/irritability appears to be common when quitting "the pot" - but I think I'm getting over that part of it. Mostly.

What's really been coming on strong lately are my dreams. Holy surrealism, Batman! Seriously, my REM periods have been Dali-esque in their ruthless absurdity. Not really nightmares, usually, but things in my dreams have been more than a little left-of-center. Sort of an underlying menacing quality to everything, mixed in with scenarios where I find a nice big bag o' weed. Usually in the latter variety, the joy of obtaining smoke-able stuff is highly tempered by waves of guilt, and the scenarios often end with the embarrassing situation surrounding the eventual discovery of my newly-found stash. In a dream-like way, of course.

I've given up trying to "interpret" these dreams - mostly because they're pretty opaque, but also because I'm still getting used to dreaming (or at least remembering dreams) again. I'd like to see the difference in brainwaves during sleep while on weed vs. off weed, though - mostly to see if the needles jump a lot less during the former, or if I'm just remembering my dreams because of the latter. If that makes sense.

We'll see how often I end up posting about all this. Part of it is therapeutic/cathartic, but I wonder if it's easier to just not think about it - sort of like the over-eager AA proponents who give up alcohol and then seem addicted to meetings and what-not. Nothing against any programs that help people, but I'm hoping to not just substitute one habit/obsession for another.

CBT and stages of change
On the cognitive-behavioral tip, I've been trying to lay off the caffeine a little more, and I think it's helping my sleep. I've also been trying to get more water (albeit of the over-priced vitamin-water/life-water varieties), and I think that's helping some, too.
Stages of change-wise, I'm moving from the Preparation/Determination stage to the Action/Willpower stage. Which seems to mostly involve not buying anything to smoke, and thereby avoiding the "negative behavior" of smoking. NOT buying weed is a lot easier than looking for it all the time, turns out.